I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
