My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I party with great urgency now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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