i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
