So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
