does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
there is glitter all over my balls
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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