this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
honey bunches of taint.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
