Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
