I just threw up on my dentist
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
