haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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