3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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