I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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