the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You're like the curious george of whores
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
