So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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