u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
