dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
