did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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