im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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