matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
