Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
