can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
