i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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