Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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