i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
