to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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