I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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