You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
