The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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