If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
