I need to stop coming to work sober
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
