Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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