Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
