so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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