You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
