We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
