Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
