I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
