your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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