Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
