I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
