don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
