either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
