why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
