i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
