Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
