I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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