i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
