My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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