i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
