Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
