peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
